Kevin Vandever

The discussion came up recently on whether one can be both be a good parent and a friend to his or her child.  I heard both sides of the debate and found it interesting that the two sides had such different perspectives. I could not have planned it better. I won’t try to represent each of their arguments, but I will give you a quick blurb on where I stand on the subject.

I have two teenage daughters and at the risk of ruining the surprise, I will tell you that I don’t think I’d have the relationship and the bond with my daughters if one of my roles as Father did not include friendship. For example, I found out about my daughter’s boyfriend before anyone else in the family because she couldn’t wait to get in the car and tell me about him. I can still be the parent and set rules and guidelines for this relationship, but as a friend I listened to how he asked her to be his girlfriend, how nervous she was, and what her friends all thought.  It is really easier than you might think. There is really no solid line that divides parenthood from friendship. You don’t have to announce to your child, “OK, I am being your friend now!” It just sort of happens. Your voice, attitude, body language, etc all have a way of illustrating which you are being at any one time. My daughters know when I am lecturing, scolding, or teaching just as they know when I am listening, sharing, laughing, and playing. In time, it becomes so natural that it just simply all falls under fatherhood. No need to ask the question whether to befriend or not to befriend, friendship is a requirement, in my opinion, for a successful father/child relationship.

However, let me make this clear, I am not stating that a lack of friendship on the part of the parent will bring about failure. What I am saying, though, is that by adding friendship to the many other hats a parent will wear, he or she can enrich the relationship with the child. Please understand this clarification before you hunt me down to tell me that I have no clue what I am talking about. I do have a clue because it has worked for me for almost 17 years and I think it can work for you, too. But I get it. It might not be for everybody. You have to do what is comfortable and what feels right. How’s that for a disclaimer?

So, what are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.

written by Kevin Vandever \\ tags: Children, Parenting

Tweeple don’t like to lose followers. I know this because I’ve seen the tweets. It’s just one more area where we question our value in society. In this case, Twitter society. I have started to watch my own follower count fluctuate and I have the same questions as all of you. Do I tweet too much? Not enough? Should I reply, retweet, and direct message (DM) more…or less? Am I not sharing enough links to news items and blogs? Should I be preaching Tweetiquette, using more #hashtags, and can I recommend following someone on a day other than Friday?

Tweeting is a lot of pressure. Think about it. Other than a DM, when you prepare a tweet, you do so for your whole community; that is, everyone who is following you. In real life (remember that?), it would equate to your giving a speech to everyone you know every single time you spoke. Kind of like the President. Maybe that’s why he’s so comfortable on Twitter. Hmm. Anyway, when you combine all that pressure of tweeting with the torture of having to watch as your follower list dwindles, you can see how some twitterers lose their way and start auto-DMing or slamming products and services down our Tweetdecks every 15 minutes for weeks on end. These tweeple just couldn’t take it anymore. That’s the only explanation.

If that’s not enough, the stress is compounded by the fact that the more followers one has, the more elite the twocial twatus one has (too much with the Twitterisms?). So while we are trying to accumulate followers in order to increase our tworth (I can’t help it), we are also increasing the importance of each tweet and subsequently adding more stress to our Twitter lives. This doesn’t happen on Facebook.

Lucky for us there is an answer, but it lies in our darkest twitter fears. The Unfollow Button. Yes, that same button that causes so much grief in our Twitter lives when employed against us can now be used to make everything right and whole again. Like using a strain of bacteria to create the antibody that will cure us (I hope I have my science right), we can use the unfollow button to snatch our confidence and self-estweem back. We have the power to create our own audience. You don’t like constant product/service push and the auto-DM tweeps, unfollow them. It’s your choice. Follow who you want. Set up your own community and if someone decides to unfollow you, don’t read too much into it – unless you are a Twitter pain in the ass in which case you should read a lot into it.

Looking at this a little closer, isn’t the Unfollow button the greatest invention ever? You don’t like what folks are Tweeting, click Unfollow and your world instantly becomes a better place. It makes me wonder why we worry so much about Twitter behavior. Talk about a self-policing community. I wish I had that button in my non-Twitter world. Man, would that be great. I’d be clicking that sucker left and right. Think the Staples Easy button is cool, it would have nothin’ on the Unfollow button. But since the Unfollow button only exists in Twitterland, for now, I will learn to use it wisely and know that I am empowered to create my own community, not solely based on the number of followers and those I follow, but based more on the quality of the tweet within whatever sized community I have. I will learn to embrace the follower count and know that when it decreases, it does so in the name of making everyone’s Twitter experience a better one. As Jack Handy Stuart Smalley would say if he were on Twitter, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and gosh darn it, Tweeple Tweet me!”

written by Kevin Vandever \\ tags: Follow, Social Networking, Twitter, Unfollow