I entered the store and took in my surroundings. As I made my way toward the men’s shirts, I noticed that an extremely attractive saleswoman was staring at me and sporting a surprisingly seductive smile on her face. I began to turn to see who was behind me, but thought better of it. This was the big time, I had to act like I’d been here before, like I belonged. So, I smiled back. She gave me an approving nod and turned back to help a customer. As I made my way deeper into the store, I took another glance toward the woman and she was once again smiling and staring at me. I felt like Chevy Chase in Vacation and this saleswoman was Christie Brinkley. She seemed very pleased that I had entered the store that day. Our moment was broken by capitalism.

“Hi there! Can I help you?” a young, well facial haired salesman inquired. He also seemed happy that I was in the store that day, but I figured for a different reason.
“Just kind of looking, right now” I answered.
“Where is my martini?” I thought.
“OK, let me know if I can help” he said as he jetted to the back room.

I shopped around for a while but didn’t see anything I needed so I started to make my way out of the store when I eyed some nice sweaters toward the front. As I stopped to take a look, I noticed through my keen peripheral vision that Christie was walking toward me. As she moved closer, she smiled again. I said, “hello” but she said nothing as one does when he or she is overwhelmed with emotion.

I felt pretty good now. All I needed was a martini. I decided to try on one of the sweaters and while I was at it, with my new found confidence, shoot a debonair look Christie’s way. She must have felt, and was impressed by, my presence because she turned toward me at the same time and laid that smile on me again. This time Kalia broke the spell,

“Dad, you going to try on the sweater?”
“Huh? Sweater? What? Yeah, I think I will”

I found my sales guy and asked to try on the sweater. It fit, looked pretty good and, most importantly, was approved by Kalia. So I headed to the cash register where Christie was already there ringing up another customer. My sales guy finished with me at the same time as Christie finished her sale so I looked her way expecting to see that old familiar smile, but she did not smile. I looked away, quickly regrouped and turned back again, but still nothing. In fact, her face and body language said, “Look, I’m done with you. You purchased something so now get out! And quit starring at me!”

She had done me! Sales tactics 101. I have worked in retail before and knew many of the tricks, but she got me. Flirt with the customer until he buys. I quickly went from Chevy Chase to Robert DeNiro in Analyze This! When Billy Crystal would say something that impressed DeNiro, he would point his finger at Crystal, shake his head and say, “You…You’re good. You’re good”. Yeah, I felt like that. She was good. It didn’t work, of course. I was going to buy anyway. Really, I was, but she was good…and I never did get that martini.