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Mar 30
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The discussion came up recently on whether one can be both be a good parent and a friend to his or her child. I heard both sides of the debate and found it interesting that the two sides had such different perspectives. I could not have planned it better. I won’t try to represent each of their arguments, but I will give you a quick blurb on where I stand on the subject.
I have two teenage daughters and at the risk of ruining the surprise, I will tell you that I don’t think I’d have the relationship and the bond with my daughters if one of my roles as Father did not include friendship. For example, I found out about my daughter’s boyfriend before anyone else in the family because she couldn’t wait to get in the car and tell me about him. I can still be the parent and set rules and guidelines for this relationship, but as a friend I listened to how he asked her to be his girlfriend, how nervous she was, and what her friends all thought. It is really easier than you might think. There is really no solid line that divides parenthood from friendship. You don’t have to announce to your child, “OK, I am being your friend now!” It just sort of happens. Your voice, attitude, body language, etc all have a way of illustrating which you are being at any one time. My daughters know when I am lecturing, scolding, or teaching just as they know when I am listening, sharing, laughing, and playing. In time, it becomes so natural that it just simply all falls under fatherhood. No need to ask the question whether to befriend or not to befriend, friendship is a requirement, in my opinion, for a successful father/child relationship.
However, let me make this clear, I am not stating that a lack of friendship on the part of the parent will bring about failure. What I am saying, though, is that by adding friendship to the many other hats a parent will wear, he or she can enrich the relationship with the child. Please understand this clarification before you hunt me down to tell me that I have no clue what I am talking about. I do have a clue because it has worked for me for almost 17 years and I think it can work for you, too. But I get it. It might not be for everybody. You have to do what is comfortable and what feels right. How’s that for a disclaimer?
So, what are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.
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